Thursday, May 29, 2008
I've been hearing reports from a few people in the Aetheosphere that have received a true, genuine, Jesus-rug-thingy in the mail. Boy was I jealous. I never get mail like that. But then I received the mother load.
Oh. My. God. Are these not the worst drawn monsters of the apocalypse? I mean, come on. The center monster is an okay attempt, but the other three? Who has ever heard of a three-headed cheetah with wings - four wings at that? You can tell me. I'm really curious what drug-induced dream (other than Revelations) produced that.
And the bear? That's not even trying now. We're talking about monsters that will terrorize humans. You're supposed to be scared. If I saw these walking down the street I'd probably just laugh.
I open up the page and behold! the first rider of the apocalypse. Come on. My cat looks more menacing than him. (Hint: I'm not talking about the white one.)
I was almost tempted to go to see how ridiculous these meetings were, but there were just too many meetings to choose from. Christians, you have too many long, boring meetings. How am I to know which ones have the juicy details of my supposed short-term torture under the anti-christ and then eternal torture under that all-loving god you worship?
Look more meetings and finally we get to the meat of the comic.. er, pamphlet. Is it everything that I was hoping for and more? 666 and the mark of the beast? Check! Armageddon? Check! The Lake of Fire? The Four Horsemen? Check! Check!
Oh, and a little about the speakers. The first douche bag was once a rock 'n roll DJ. Is that not the most popular come-to-Christ story used? Why not be original and claim to be a former Satanist or, oh, I know, an evil atheist. That would be scary.
Look at that, Russia is getting bombed. These people can't get with the times. Shouldn't it be China that's now the super power behind the anti-christ or maybe North Korea? I suppose though that some people just can't let go of the cold war.
And look at that diverse group of people who have something to say about the seminar. They left out anyone Asian, of course. They're all a bunch of heathens anyway.
Notice this "comic" is mailed out under a not-for-profit permit. I'd be pissed, but I can't stop laughing. At least they're not trying to extort money, via the mail anyway. They're not really even trying to scare anyone. Maybe they realized I was feeling left out (as I am one of their DEAR FRIENDS) and wanted to give me a laugh.
Thanks Bible Mailing Service for cheering me up!