and it's showtime!  

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Ok, Masters of Horror, I've had enough. Your plots are rediculous, but even more so, they're skewed. I don't need preachy, predictable, goryfornootherreasonbuttobegory, tired storylines. Tonight we watched "The Family", which was previously recorded. It wasn't horrible, I guess. But in the end the bad guys were oil drillers. There was no complexity. No understanding of why. They were just bad and caused all kinds of mayhem. Oil was an evil force.

I was browsing through the recorded episodes we have and they're all seem to have a simliar theme. (The synopsis on the television was shorter, but these are copied from Showtime's site.)

"Pro-Life": A near-accident on an isolated mountain road lands young Angelique (CAITLIN WACHS) in a nearby women's health clinic. As her fervently anti-abortion father Dwayne (RON PERLMAN) and his well-armed three sons attempt to "liberate" Angelique, she discovers that the only thing more dangerous than her would-be saviors is the demonic seed growing within her.

"The Screwfly Solution": Based on the short story by Raccoona Sheldon, a deadly virus infects the nation, transforming men into psychotic killers who attack every woman that crosses their paths. A suburban housewife and her teenage daughter embark on a treacherous journey to survive, but how can they protect themselves from an entire gender gone mad?

Are they seriously borrowing plots from Lifetime now?

"Right to Die": Her flesh has been charred and her body remains comatose, but from a strict medical perspective, Abby is still alive. Beset by guilt, her conflicted husband Cliff (MARTIN DONOVAN) is determined to get a court order to cease her pain. Her condition worsening, she repeatedly flat-lines and is revived. But each time Abby's body dies, her apparition grows stronger, violently attacking those that have taken advantage of her plight. If Cliff pulls the plug, he's next on the list. This topical horror story takes a supernatural stand on the right-to-life debate.

"The Washingtonians": After his grandmother's funeral, Mike (JONATHON SCHAECH) discovers an artifact in her basement could re-write the history of our nation. Interpreting clues that suggest George Washington was in fact an insatiable cannibal, Mike must protect his family and escape from a band of loyal Washingtonians, hungry for human flesh and willing to protect our founding father's secrets at any cost. SAUL RUBINEK also stars in this adaptation of Bentley Little's short story.

I could go on... but I won't. I wouldn't even mind if the "movies" were actually good, but they're not. I've only seen one episode that's good and it was based on a Lovecraft short story. And that was during the first season.

No wonder no one I know has Showtime. Thankfully they have Dexter. I'm not sure how they'll top season 1, but I'm excited to find out.

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